Sunday, 30 September 2012

I Could Not Physically Wait

My eyes needed to see some horror, not  much, but some before it turned October here in the UK.

I started the day with Terminator, which even as a child, I did not find scary... but the follow up... I did. Robert Patrick chasing after Sarah, John and Uncle Bob sets my heart racing. He's got this run, this Tom Cruise style karate chopping the air sort of run... except its scary. Robert Patrick looks like a Shark. He's scarier than Bruce from Jaws. (Cause he's on land, and metal, liquid fraking metal that can form into sharp pointy stabbing objects of death)

Ok so over the past not being a child years that chase scene has not scared me, but today for the first time in years it got my heart pumping and me vocalising nonsense at the television, as you would in a horror film, or as Brenda does in Scary Movie.

It was during Terminator 2: Judgement Day that starting a blog again came to me, had my fair share over the years, or reviews on Rotten Tomatoes and Flixter, both of which become spammy, and I DONT LIKE SPAM! (Congrats if you read that in a Monty Python-esque way)

I still do not know what movie to really kick off October with. Suggestions please, actual suggestions for the entire month please. But I did want to watch a horror themed movie tonight, and I opted with 'The 'Burbs' as it has been sitting in front of my television for 2 weeks. I picked it up whilst popping into Morrisons for yogurt on my way back from work one night... I mean for £2 I had to.

My first idea was to watch 'Hocus Pocus' cause bitches love 'Hocus Pocus' but that will have to be saved for later in the month, as close to Halloween as possible. If not actually on Halloween day itself. (Although Silent Hill: Revelation comes out on my birthday so we gotta go see that plus it'll be an Orange Wednesday too, woot for cheapness!)

But then I saw 'The 'Burbs' DVD looking at me... and I hadn't seen it since I was a child.

Damn Tom Hanks is awesome in this, he overacts just enough in certain parts. There's a part where Ray and Art are screaming and the camera pushes in and out repeatedly, its so aware, so over the top, you gotta laugh. 

I give it a 4 on my scale. I don't know how this movie plays to someone that isn't a horror fan, or someone that didn't see it when they were a kid in the early 90s, but to me its a decent fun flick but not a classic.

Maybe this movie is one of the reasons I cannot look at nice looking suburban streets and not be fearful, I think Halloween has more to do with that, but its the scary in plain sight. The scary in normal life that is far more frightening to me than some monster, or something from outer space. 

If you like Gremlins then dig up this lesser known, as far as I know, Joe Dante movie... follow it up with a viewing of The Hole too.

Hasta Luego
-Fake Shemp-

How I Rate A Mutha Licker

... and by "Mutha Licker" I mean Movies.

I have a 6-1 scale, out of 5 is too mainstream.

Woot (6)

Sweet! Awesome! Coolbeans! If you don't like it then I will presume you like Twilight and your opinion means nothing... ok I'm not that harsh. Mostly.

Your Talking Is Spoiling The Taste Of My Popcorn (5)

A good movie, so please STFU and let me watch... actually no, go away and let me watch this alone... its that good... so good that I don't want to watch it with you, but I will recommend you watch it... without me, and without your talking.

Meh (4)

'Tis ok, give it a go, don't blame me if you do not like it though but its a halfwayish decent movie. Nothing to go NedStarkRaving Mad about though.

So Bad That Its Funny (3)

Bad but I enjoy them. The cheesier the better... sometimes... and sometimes you just gotta laugh at the crappyness of a flick.

Popcorn Dumper (2)

I would rather tip my popcorn on the floor, leave the cinema and get a refill, if only to miss 5 minutes of the movie...

It's A Disaster, A DISTASTER!! Spelt With Two O's Like "Doom!" (1)

How?Why?asdfgh was this made?!

Hasta Luego
-Fake Shemp-

Cooey! Gentle Reader

It's coming up to my favorite time of the year... no not Talk Like A Pirate Day, that's been, and walked the plank Argh! or some such shiver my timbers nonsense.

Nope, its coming to October... you know when the grass is jeweled and the silk inside a chestnut shell, and jet planes are meeting in the air to be refueled .. oh yes, all the things I love so well... like horror movies, yes its #31NitesOfHorror time.

Sure, maybe you are like me and Horror is a part of your life, and you are already a full member of the #HorrorSquad but October is a time to celebrate and marathon horror like a mother bitch. (And I intend to do so, its sort of a tradition...)

I hope you, gentle reader, will follow my posts here and follow me on twitter for a spooky October.

Hasta Luego
-Fake Shemp-